If I say I don't miss Tehran I'm lying like a filthy dog.
I hate it and I miss it.

روی ِ تو رخساره‌ی ما بود
زرد گشت.
باز آ



source: a friend

نازک آرای تن ساقه گلی‌

که به جانش کشتم

و به جان دادمش آب

ای دریغا که برم میشکند

I'm craving the sound of guitar,
a sparkle in your eyes,
my hair growing long,
I'm craving passion.

But my ships are slowly drowning..

نشستم تو اسکای ترین

دخترای خوش قیافه به پسرای خوش قیافه نگاه می‌کنن

پسرای خوش قیافه به دخترای خوش قیافه چشمک میزنن

بعد دخترای خوش قیافه لبخند میزنن و چشماشون برق می‌زنه

بعظی‌هاشون هم خجالت میکشن و روشون رو می‌کنن اونور و تو دلشون لبخند میزنن

من دارم بیرون رو نگاه می‌کنم و لئونارد کوئون گوش می‌کنم:

Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died

Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows..

I'm waiting for December.. for the snow.. coffee on an early cold Saturday morning...
I'll miss the reds and oranges in the air
Leonard Cohen..
And I'll always know that: no memory deserves to be forgotten.. specially mine!

But it's time to move on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on.. cuz I know that "it'll be fine, it'll be fine, it'll be fine, it'll be fine.... for awhile"

همش اتفاق‌های بد بد میفته

هی‌ مریض میشم، کلی‌ درس و مشق دارم ولی‌ حوصله و انرژی ندارم
بعد لامپ اتاقم سوخته اینجا تاریک شده هوای بیرونم که اینقدر مزخرفه که نمی‌خوام پامو از خونه بذارم بیرون
هی‌ حوصلم سر میره.. همچی‌ دیگه تکراری و لوس شده
تنها یک نفری که دلم می‌خواد تو این شلوغی براش وقت بذارم برای من وقت نداره
و از همه بدتر: باز من دو روز رفتم مسافرت گلدونم داره خشک می‌شه
خلاصه اصلا اعصاب ندارم.. هیچی‌ حال نمیده
با همه قهرم

no matter how busy I am
no matter how inspired I am
no matter how much I enjoy what I do
it's that time of the year again..
I'm feeling empty
fully empty

I'm in the lab, trying desperately to finish my typography homework which is super-hard and needs a lot of concentration.. well it's kinda my "passion" or whatever.. you know so I SHOULD MUST and HAVE TO succeed! Eventually I want to become a big graphic designer with typography specialty (this was a personal secret thing though.. I don't like to walk in the hallway and talk about it to every random breathing creature I see.
But in case you're wondering why I'm saying it to you, I should say I'm drinking Hpnotiq (alcohol) right now in the lab with Angela, my favorite person in this whole campus.
Surprisingly my homework is turning wayyy better now! Seriously..
That's all for now
okay bye

"Hello my love..
It feels cold under
your silence.."

the humans are dead!

Flight Of The Conchords - The Humans Are Dead

And when I see you,
I really see you upside
down. But my brain knows
better... it picks you up
and turns you around.

--- Death Cab For Cutie

Karma police.. arrest this band!

this is what you get
this is what you get
this is what you get

if you messsssssss with ussssssssss

for a minute there I lost myself.. I lost myself
for a minute there I lost myself.. I lost myseeeeeeeelf

-----

I know Thome Yorke but he doesn't know me,
he probably refers to me as a "fan" but what is he to me?
a singer? fabulous singer? musician? hero? inspiration? alien?!
it doesn't really matter.. all that matters is that he rocked my world for a couple of hours on Tuesday night (August 19, 2008) and I can't be any more grateful..
I haven't been this excited and energetic in a long long long time.. and it felt awesome.. unbelievably great

Radiohead came and brought the rain with them
I never enjoyed the pouring rain this much in my entire life
for a minute there I lost myself...

Long Live Radiohead

"I'm sure if there is something
out there, looking down on us
from somewhere else in the
universe, they're wise enough
to stay away from us."

said Grissom, to the girl who helped 12 of her friends commit mass-suicide and got away with it because she simply never had the courage to drink the poisonous vodka herself.

HOME is everything.

A few weeks ago, I was trying to convince a non-Iranian women that the only place I call home is Iran and my childhood house.. the backyard, the alley etc.
She on the other hand was insisting so much that Vancouver is my hometown because I've lived here for five years now. As soon as I realized that I'm failing to win the argument, I had an emotional breakdown and I ended up crying hard for an hour.

.
.
.

A couple of nights ago, I was watching Munich. Ali, a Palestine Liberation Organization agent was talking to Avner, an Israeli assassin:
"You don't know what it is not to have a home.. Home is everything."

There I realized that it doesn't really matter WHERE is my home and what country I call home, I just need one.. wherever I lay my head is home.

"You Shall
Know Them By
Their Fruits"

artist:
El Shaarani

And I turned 24 without any regrets
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life..

Friday aug. 3, 2007 -- 9:05 am
I packed my belongings, valuables which have no value to me, said goodbye without getting a response, came to the airport, took the plane and left myself behind... but . . . .
Today I decided to change my life style to something I don't know yet... something new and just for myself to enjoy.


Friday aug. 17, 2007 -- 10:56 pm (montreal time) on westjet flying back home to vancouver
And finally it didn't kill me to call Vancouver home and most important to actually miss it...
do hafte mesle bargho baad gozasht va hal-o-rooz e man kheili az ooni ke fekr mikardam behtare alan, va mosaferat kheili bishtar az ooni ke fekr mikardam to roohiam ta'sir gozasht va halam ro behtar kard va oon energy ke lazem dashtam baraye shoro'e term, shoro'e zendegie khanevadegi baad az chand sal va shoro'e idea-ha va nazar-ha va aghayed-e mohkam o ghavi va defa kardan az onaro behem dad.
In one word: I'm happy :)


Thursday july. 17, 2008 -- 12:18 am
feels good to look back and realize that you have the power, energy and spirit to change stuff in your life..

"I know what you’re thinking: will I do this for you?
Sorry, No. Not unless you’re a friend of mine or
you have gobs of cash. That may sound strange, but
let’s just pretend I’m Joni Mitchell: “I play
if you have the money or if you’re a friend to me…”
Tattoos are very personal, so I either need
to know you, or thousands of dollars need to lubricate
the pain of a client-gets-what-client-wants job.
Know what I mean?"

source: don't remember

frame by: M. Bantjes

Love banner
by: Marian Bantjes
in case you haven't noticed it says:
L
O
V
E

I'm glowing but I'm not pregnant
I'm laughing but I'm not on drugs
I'm light but I'm not high
I'm the only one in the bus stop but I'm not alone
I'm talking to myself but I'm not insane
It's all true but it's not the "truth"

The truth I don't know.. and I never will.

"I have to keep my
thoughts to myself."

by: Firooz Shafei

NO SIGN

NO FORM

NO WORD

NO GOD

"Turn to me with your whole heart
and do not despise me because I am black and dark
for the sun has burned me so,
and the black depths have covered my face."


Aurora consurgens late 14th century

I'm floating in the air..
W h e r e is my mind?

این زندگی ِ غربی دیگه داره کلافه ام می کنه
من شرقی ام

I prefer to look at this painting in silence.
No song can possibly complement it..
the elegance and complications in her face are devastating..
maybe I should go mute.









painting by: Leonardo Da Vinci

Always for you




photo by: me

I just found the coolest website ever on earth, check it out:
'coolest website ever'

Stand in the shade of me
Things are now made of me

You'll never be free of me
He'll make a tree from me

I'm nothing but a fucking stubborn maniac with desperate desire on obsession.
I refuse..



Tom Waits -- Green Grass


ps. I want my ipod back.. :(

داستان ها دارم
از دیاران که سفر کردم و رفتم بی تو

Good People Die (Or Go To Canada)


Good people die
Bad people become your neighbors

I tied your untied shoes
And I want you to do me a favor

Don't leave me here to rot
My mom taught me not to talk to strangers

I don't know why
I feel sick when I look at the sky

I don't know why
I can't take my mind away from the smile

I don't know why
All the good people die or go to Canada

...

We reach for you, you are too far
We miss the snow flake we miss the dented car

You've packed your life now
In a suitcase
And you won't return my calls

The city has lost a pretty face
The night skies lost a shiny star

I don't know why
I feel sick when I look at the sky

I don't know why
I can't take my mind away from the smile

I don't know why
All the good people die or go to Canada

...

I wanna hijack the plane
And crash into any building on the way

Because life means really nothing without friends




Thanks to Mehdi who I've never met for the song

"The fact that she kissed him twice and he kissed her back doesn't bother me as much" she thought.
"Just that I wanted to be there myself.. drunk.. watch, and feel the agony in my heart.. and the dizziness in my head.
The pain is lost now, somewhere in between people and time.
And I feel nothing."

"we're just lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground
what have we found?"

"You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact that, when we fall in love, we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it the contradiction:

The attempt to return to the past
and
the attempt to undo the past."

cause the sky is breaking..

like the whispering wind you sent to me
like the hopeless time you gave to me
I watched your dreams all slip away
I watched your dreams all slip away
there's a hopeless place inside my heart
when I look inside I see where we are
like the whispering wind in the top of my trees
i will watch the sky come following me
like the rain on my windows late every night
like the hope I have for us every time
it's like the whispering wind in the top of the trees
I see it sway as you come for me

there's a whispering wind I feel it inside
like a place I can feel but never will see
let a whisper come touch you come touch every thing
I stand in the way of the things I can be
let the whispering wind come lift us away
let it push us apart if we wish to stay
you're my sweetness my baby my love for all time
like the whispering wind it makes you all mine
like the whispering wind you stand here with me
like the whispering wind you stand here with me
I see your dreams all slip away
slip away
slip away
slip away

Why does my heart feel so bad ?

تا اطلاع ثانوی تعطیلم

when i woke up today
i wasn't me
i feel like a little girl
with nothing to think of, no anxiety
in a saturday morning

and oddly everything and anything is reminding me of death today
and it's still 10:54 am..
i'm in my bed under my blanket listening to this song
like i have this irremediable disease
and i'm dying.. slowly.. peacefully.. happily.. and
fully.

i remembered "American Beauty"s ending scene..
when Kevin Spacey died:



"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die.

First of all,
that one second... isn't a second at all.

It stretches on forever,
like an ocean of time.

For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp,
watching falling stars.

And yellow leaves from the maple trees...
that lined our street.

Or my grandmother's hands and the way her skin seemed like paper.

And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand-new Firebird.

And Janie... and Janie.

And... Carolyn.

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me,
but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much.
My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.

And then I remember to relax...
and stop trying to hold on to it.

And then it flows through me Iike rain,
and I can't feel anything but gratitude...
for every single moment of my stupid little life.

You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure.

But don't worry.

You will someday."

nobody knows whoyou are...
.
.
.

how near or how far
.
.
.

They always walk together like they have no one else in the whole world
but they never hold hands, they never touch.
And they never smile, from the bottom of their hearts.
When I look into her eyes, I see nothing..
I'm wondering if she's frozen inside.
His eyes are cold and his voice is low when he talks to her.
I'm shouting: WHATTTTT? I CAN'T HEAR YOUUU.. LOUDER.. LOUDER!
but she hears and nods.
And they both turn around and walk away,
without holding hands.

یه حسی بهم میگه زیاد دور برندار بچه.. سرخوشیت زود گذره...
این آهنگ ِ رو خیییییلی دوست دارم

Love, love is a verb

Love is a doing word

Fearless on my breath

Gentle impulsion

Shakes me makes me lighter

Fearless on my breath


Teardrop on the fire

Fearless on my breath


Nine night of matter

Black flowers blossom

Fearless on my breath

Black flowers blossom

Fearless on my breath


Teardrop on the fire

Fearless on my breath


Water is my eye

Most faithful mirror

Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire of a confession

Fearless on my breath

Most faithful mirror

Fearless on my breath


Teardrop on the fire

Fearless on my breath


Stumbling a little

Stumbling a little

اگر بدوی
طوفان می شود..
نزدیک نیا،
آب تو را خواهد برد

blue scarf around my neck,
orange bag pack on my back,
white paper in my hand
and my name is red

آنچنان که به خودم خیره شدم چشمانم قبل از اینکه از حدقه بیرون بزند قلبم را می شکافد و

چنان حفرهُ عمیقی در قلبم ایجاد می کند که به مانند ذره ای ناچیز در سیاهچال ِ فضایی ِ

عظیمی واژگون می شوم بی آنکه بدانم چرا در عین ِ بی تفاوتی ِ محض به لبخندی دلم خوش

می شود و جسارت ندارم این استقامت ِ لعنتی را زیر پایم له کنم و فریاد بزنم به همه بگویم که

قلب ِ من پلاستیک ِ نامرغوبی است که روزی صد تا خط برمی دارد ولی هر چه به زمین می کوبمش باز

نمی شکند

change is good
specially when it hits you unexpectedly
you wake up one day
look in the mirror
and see someone
that is not you
..
my body,
my cells,
my mind,
and my soul
have given up
protecting me from changing
and adopting me to the new situations
..
I am addicted
to change

it's my dream so it's up to me.

مثل سقوط آزاد در فضا می مونه
با سرعت وحشتناک
می دونم که کهکشان بی انتهاست و
من هیچ وقت با مغز زمین نمی خورم
ولی از ترس
ثانیه ایی هزار بار می میرم

از سرما...

از سرما اگر نمی مردیم
از عشق می مردیم.

این دست های تو
پاسخ روز را خواهد داد
اگر گم شوند
همیشه در سایه های تابستان می مانم
بی آنکه نام کوچه های بن بست را بدانم
در انتهای کوچه یک کوه است
و چون قلب از حرکت باز ماند
و چون شکوفه فولاد شود
و میوه نشود
من ندانسته
در یک صبحگاه تابستانی
راهم را برگندمزار به دوزخ به بهشت
متوقف می کنم
به خانه ی تو می آیم.

این اردیبهشت
این فروردین
حتی سراسر تابستان ما را تسلی نیست
پس چگونه
در این کوچه های بن بست
سرازیر شدیم

در چشمان من
در گرمای مرداد ماه
در آفتاب
ساعت ها گفتگو کردیم

احمد رضا احمدی

ps. It's been a year and 3 days:
A photo to start with

why cant i just forget...

and...........CUT

It appears to be enough, my bad.

All of a sudden
these are not enough anymore
I was awaiting this day.. this night I may say,
not eagerly though
why it did take this long I don't know
but it came
and here I am.. spinning my head
and my heart
hoping
to
get dizzy
and fall into your arms
if I only knew
you'd catch me
just if you were here
if you
were
....

Show me some..
inspiration
motivation
passion
emotion
Something that
I never knew
something new
about you

Placebo -- Song To Say Goodbye


My oh my.
It's a song to say goodbye,
It's a song to say goodbye,
A song to say...

And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree...

Do pomegranates ever get confused?
Yes they do, I am a very good example of a very confused pomegranate
I'm not even sure if I am a pomegranate anymore.. am I?
I guess not.
I'd like to switch to an avocado
Should I or should I not?
Avocado is a weird fruit, very very weird..