Friday, December 19
Sunday, September 28
It was about this time that a dramatic change happened inside of me. I could suddenly see a kind of order in the mess.. It was all very very wrong, I wanted to be one of Jerome's things, I wanted to be picked up.. and put down.. again and again I wanted to be treated by his hands.. according to some sophisticated principle that I didn't understand. - His strong hands? Yes, but it was no longer just about his hands, it was as if everything about him was different. Which of course it wasn't, and I knew that in my head, and I scolded myself for seeing him in this new light. - Love is blind. No no no it's worse, love distorts things, or even worse.. Love is something you've never asked for. The erotic was something I asked for or even demanded of men. But this idiotic love, I felt humiliated by it, and all the dishonesty that follows. The erotic is about saying yes, love appeals to the lowest instincts wrapped up in lies. How to say yes when you mean no, and vice versa. I'm ashamed of what I became, but it was beyond my control. NYMPHOMANIAC VOL. I
Thursday, July 31
Ever since I moved to bay area, I have witnessed NINE breakups among my friends, family, coworkers and ofcourse my own breakup. Some of which were long term relationships about 5 to 7 years and some 3-4 years. The only common denominator between all of them is BAY AREA. I've only seen ONE relationship 'start' so far..
Friday, July 25
The happiest most content person I have seen in the past year in bay area, is a homeless man who resides on the pedestrian area near Starbucks by my house. He never asks for money, only for food and only if he hasn't eaten yet. He complements people on their outfits, smiles and once when I was on the phone with my earphones on, he said: "I'm sure everything will go well" (assuming I'm having a business call I suppose). When I walked by today, he said "happy friday!" I said to you too.. thinking why does it even matter to him what day it is..